


The Meaning of Phalaenopsis

by chocolate_kite



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Angst and Feels, Based on a Vocaloid Song, Character Death, I'm Sorry, M/M, Sad, Sick Character, Terminal Illnesses, be ready guys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-27
Updated: 2017-12-31
Packaged: 2019-02-22 13:13:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13167651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chocolate_kite/pseuds/chocolate_kite
Summary: Suga, a lonely herbalist, finds the cyborg, Daichi.A forbidden love, an impossible love. Something that could never happen...."Hey... do you know the meaning of phalaenopsis?





	1. Chapter 1

_…_

 

_…_

 

_…_

 

_…crap…_

 

_…_

 

_…my legs…I can’t feel them…_

 

_…_

 

_…_

 

_my arms…?_

 

_…_

 

_please…not them too…_

 

_…_

 

_I want to die… please let me die_

 

_…_

 

_…_

 

_…_

 

_…_

 

**_“—kay, ……av-..?”_ **

 

_?_

 

**_“..—you, kay?”_ **

 

_what’s that_

 

**_“Are you okay? Hey!”_ **

 

He opened his eyes, but immediately closed them, the pain of blinding light acting on impulse. He opened them again, a bit more cautious. Through thin slits, he could vaguely see someone’s silhouette. He opened his eyes wider. 

 

“An angel…” he breathed.

 

The angel had silver hair, wet and sticking to his forehead. Water on his lips glistened. The angel’s hazel eyes narrowed.

 

“I think you need help.”

 

* * *

 

“Daichi, I’d really prefer if you stopped messing with my potion bottles on the shelf. They’re mine, and it gets on my nerves.”

 

“They’re always so messy though. I was just cleaning.” Daichi shrugged off Suga’s complaints.

 

Suga pouted. The day Suga brought Daichi home via a wheelbarrow remained fresh in his memory, as if it had only happened yesterday. He had gone to get some firewood (and wash himself while at it) when he found Daichi lying down near the riverbank. 

 

“Oh right!” Suga turned around. “Don’t you need to fix your arm? I swear I saw some wobbly nails.”

 

“You got me…” Daichi twisted his forearm. It fell off cleanly. Wires sparked in between. “It’s been a bit faulty.”

 

“I knew it! You can’t just hide that, you know! You might be a cyborg, but that doesn’t mean you’re invincible!” Suga said as he rushed to get his toolbox. He forced Daichi down onto a chair and began to tweak Daichi’s defective arm. Daichi watched as Suga concentrated. 

 

“Just like an angel…” Daichi subconsciously muttered.

 

“Whaat?” Suga looked at him. He laughed. “Honestly, what’s with you? That’s what you said when I first met you!” He shook his head. “I’m anything _but_ an angel.” 

 

Daichi could tell that his voice had dulled. 

 

“The only times that I go out is to get firewood and when I need a thorough wash. Other than that, I stay at home, making weird medicine that only the desperate villagers buy. Living on the outskirts of town, making potions… I’m more like an abandoned witch, right?” His laugh was soulless. 

 

An unusual feeling rose in Daichi. 

 

“I feel something… here.” Daichi pressed his free hand to his chest. “Is this part also faulty?” 

 

Suga smiled. It wasn’t his typical smile. This one was more sour. 

 

Bitter. 

 

“That feeling is probably an emotion called ‘sympathy’ or… no, it’s probably what we humans call ‘pity.’ So I guess even a cyborg pities me now.” His voice was dry.Daichi didn’t know what to say.

 

The last nail twisted perfectly into Daichi’s elbow. “Right, it’s all fixed!” Suga rose from his seat. “I’m going to go and continue working on my medicine. You should go out and get some fresh air!” Daichi nodded, watching Suga move to his study. The tension from before was like a lie. Had it even happened?

 

_‘Humans can change from one mood to another so quickly,’_ Daichi thought. He watched Suga sitting on his little stool, experimenting with his leaves and liquids. _‘Suga is always so calm. He’s like… the white clouds in the sky. I wonder what kind of mood I have.’_

 

He decided to go out for some fresh air.

 

* * *

 

One more month passed, and Daichi didn’t know what to do with the weird feeling in his chest. Whenever he saw Suga, his machinery would jump up and work furiously. Suga would know how to fix it… but something in Daichi told him to keep quiet. 

 

It was already late night. The day had come and gone like usual. To wake up, wake Suga up, go out and collect whatever Suga told him to - it had become a daily routine. Not that he hated it. No, in fact, he loved it. Every day made him feel happy… and that was a stupid thought. He didn’t even understand human emotions yet. 

 

Daichi sat close to the fire, pulling his knees close to his chest. Orange sparks reflected in his dark eyes. He would’ve liked to feel ‘warmth.’ Suga would always smile softly as he neared the fire, thin hands out like they were greeting the flames. Speaking of which, Suga…?

 

His gaze turned to the study. Through the ornaments that hung from the ceiling, he could see Suga’s tight back. His shoulders were raised, hands trembling.

 

“NO!” Suga’s clenched fist slammed against the wall. The wall, a fragile material of only wood and mud, shivered at the impact. Daichi stared in surprise as Suga stomped over. His eyes glared at the papers in his hand, then to the burning fire. Daichi noticed the papers in Suga’s hand. They were the ones Suga had been working over for countless days. 

 

“This kind of stupid medicine…” The papers creased in Suga’s grip. “It’s useless!” He threw the papers into the crackling blaze. Daichi’s eyes widened. “It’s all useless…” Suga repeated.

 

A hand reached into the fire.

 

“Wha—no, Daichi, no!” Suga forced Daichi’s hand out. “What the hell are you doing?”

 

“Those papers.” Daichi looked up at Suga. “They’re important to you, aren't they?” 

 

Suga shook his head, crouching down to meet Daichi’s eyes. “They’re… not important anymore. Listen here, Daichi. Even someone like you can burn. Also… nothing’s more important than you.”

 

Daichi flinched. It was that feeling again. Like dough was stuck to the walls of his chest. Suffocating, but not that bad of a sensation.

 

The two were at eye level. Daichi examined Suga’s face - his slender nose, the mole next to his eye, skin so pale it would stain at his slightest touch. _‘I’m not wrong,’_ Daichi thought. _‘I was never wrong. Suga is exactly what I imagine an angel would look like.’_ His sight lingered at Suga’s lips. They were thin, a pale pink. He knew that the exchange of touching lip to lip was a show of ‘love’. It was called a ‘kiss.’ It was something Suga never talked about.

 

_‘I wonder how it feels to ‘kiss…’’_

 

And at that moment, when the two’s eyes were locked together, Suga leaned forward. Lips touched lips. Daichi sat there, in a trance, as Suga pulled him closer. 

 

_‘Ah… so this is a kiss.’_ Daichi closed his eyes. _‘Suga… his lips tastes kinda salty. There’s the fragrance of herbs and strawberries… and…’_

 

Daichi opened his eyes.

 

_‘Iron…?’_

 

Daichi pulled back in bewilderment, only to find Suga half-conscious, eyes fluttering and mouth leaking with red.

 

Red blood.

 

“Suga?!” Daichi shook Suga’s shoulders. Suga moaned, disoriented. He lightly shook his head. “I… what?” He instinctively touched his mouth and stared at his blood-stained hand. Daichi had expected a big reaction, but that wasn’t what he got. Suga just stared at his hand for what seemed like hours, until he opened his mouth to utter a single word.

 

“…Oh.” 

 

“Oh?” Daichi stood up. “ _Oh?_ Are you kidding? Is that all you have to say to this?” Daichi stared at Suga, grief-stricken. “You’re coughing up blood! Even I know that this means your health is deteriorating!” 

 

Suga wobbled back to his feet. “Daichi, it’s not—” But before he finished his sentence, he fell to his knees. 

 

“Ugh—ack!” Harsh coughs resounded off the walls. More blood pattered against the floor. There was practically a whole small puddle of blood in front of him. Daichi had lost any words he had to say. He couldn’t get his head around the entire situation. Why was Suga coughing up blood? He had been fine before…

 

_‘Really?’_

 

Suga not going out. Suga coughing often. Deathly pale, unnaturally thin. Tired eyes. Circles.

 

**“I’m fine, don’t worry.”**

 

**“Jeez, I’m perfectly healthy!”**

 

**“I’m just a bit tired today.”**

 

**“Daichi… could you go out for awhile?”**

 

**“It’s nothing, you worry too much. It’s not like I’m going to die or anything!”**

 

A breath hitched in Daichi’s throat. Had Suga really been fine? Had Daichi been stupidly ignorant the whole time, while Suga suffered? He was bigger, much fitter than Suga. But what had he done for Suga?

 

**_Nothing._ **

 

Daichi kneeled down. He couldn’t meet Suga’s eyes. They were glued to the floor, boring into the splatters of red. 

 

“Tell me Suga,” Daichi whispered. “Please.”

 

Suga looked up. He smiled sadly. “Daichi… it’s nothing.”

 

“Don’t give me that!” Daichi yelled, hands shaking Suga’s frail shoulders. “This can’t be nothing! Stop trying to shake it off! I need to know. I need you by my side.” He pulled Suga close into a tight embrace. “Wouldn’t there be something? A potion, medicine, something! How can I cure you?”

 

“It’s useless.”

 

Daichi pulled Suga closer. “Don’t say stuff like that. Suga, there should be som—”

 

“Like I said, IT’S USELESS!” Suga pushed Daichi back. “Do you think I haven’t tried? Even I want to stay by your side forever! But I can’t! This thing inside me is killing me slowly. I’ve tried everything, every combination of herbs and medicinal spices. But nothing works. I’m _dying_ , Daichi.”

 

Daichi stared. Lies, lies, everything was a lie. It had to be. This whole thing… couldn’t be true.

 

Did he have to accept this fate?

 

Tears dripped from Suga’s eyes. They mixed with the blood caught in the corners of his mouth and splashed onto the floor.

 

“What should I do, Daichi? I’m dying. _I love you_ , but I’m dying.”

 

Daichi drew Suga into a hug. 

 

“What should I do, Daichi? It’s all useless.”

 

Suga starting crying. 

 

 

“It’s all useless…”


	2. Chapter 2

The light was blinding.

 

Suga stared. The sky was blue today. 

 

_“What should I do, Daichi? I’m dying. I love you, but I’m dying.”_

 

_“It’s all useless.”_

 

He pulled his hand over his eyes. That had happened. It hadn’t been a dream. After all those things he had said, how could he ever face Daichi now? 

 

_‘… Daichi?’_

 

Suga sat up, blanket wrinkling. Daichi would always wake him up in the morning. But his bed was empty, and he was nowhere to be found. Suga walked over to the small dining table. It was a round and wooden table, just enough for two. Suga wouldn’t have known that if he had never met Daichi. 

 

A note read, “I’ve gone out for a walk. I’ll be back soon.”

 

Suga stood there for a few seconds, before pulling his coat off a chair. He hadn’t bothered to change into his pyjamas last night. He didn’t have the energy. He put the coat on and walked out the door.

 

_‘I can’t just leave him be. I need to clear things up,’_ Suga thought. Not that there was anything to clear up in the first place. Everything spilled yesterday night was the truth. But Suga had been overly emotional, ignorant of Daichi’s position. 

 

Suga remembered Daichi getting angry.

 

For him.

 

_‘He’s really grown up.’_ Suga smiled, thinking back to the days when Daichi first appeared in his life. He was like a small child. He still was like one, but he could tell that he was maturing. It gave Suga a strange kind of pride. 

 

He had reached the riverbank, but no one was there, just trees and the sound of trickling water. 

 

‘Did he go near the town centre? I told him so many times…’ Suga huffed. He turned on the spot, leaving soft spots of mist as he walked away. He breathed into his pale hands. It was getting warmer. That was good. Soon, he might be able to have a picnic with Daichi…

 

If his body could keep up.

 

Wet grass changed to concrete, and the warmth thickened. It had been a while since he had come into the town centre. He had almost forgotten the warmth humans were capable of producing.

 

“You monster!”

 

Suga’s eyes widened. His steps quickened. There was no proof that this was related to what was going on in his head, but what if…

 

“You don’t deserve to be in this town!” 

 

A crowd had surrounded around something. Suga had to confirm. He knew, but he had to see for himself. Using what little strength he had, he pushed his way through the mob. And he saw. What he had been scared of ever since his arrival. 

 

He stared as Daichi was relentlessly pelted with stones. It was not some child’s joke. The adults had joined him too. That expression, the face filled with disgust, horror, fear… all directed towards Daichi. 

 

Who had done nothing wrong.

 

“Stop!” Suga ran in front of Daichi, arms stretched out in desperate protest. The rain of rocks stopped, but that didn’t mean they were done. 

 

“What have you brought into this village! You witch!” A woman shouted. Suga knew her. She was the old owner of the bakery. How long had it been since he had seen her face? Last time, she was smiling.

 

“Please! This child has done nothing wrong!” Despite Suga’s objection, a rock hit him on the arm. He flinched. “I’m begging you! What has he ever done?” 

 

“He’s not human! He’ll bring bad luck!” 

 

“We won’t ever accept him. He’s not part of us!”

 

Daichi put his hand on Suga’s shoulder. “Suga—”

 

“You and that stupid machine!” Another rock hit Suga square in the chest. Suga yelled out. Dropping to his knees, he looked up, eyes filled with bloodlust. The boy flinched. 

 

“You witch and your cursed creation. Get out of our sight.” The crowd began to dissipate. Some turned back to throw ugly words or purely disapproving looks. Daichi hurried to Suga’s aide. 

 

“Suga—”

 

Suga didn’t give him any time to speak. Gurgled coughs brought back more blood, splattering to the ground. Suga looked round to Daichi. His face wore the expression of unexplainable pain. Suga smiled, even though he didn’t feel like smiling at all.

 

“Sorry.”

 

* * *

 

They didn’t have much time.

 

Daichi looked at Suga, picking through the random objects on the shelf. Jars of strange leaves, liquids - the ones that looked important, Suga simply skipped, seemingly unruffled. Daichi gazed around the small mud house. It had only been a few months, but he knew he could call the place ‘home’ without hesitation. 

 

He would miss it a lot.

 

“Daichi, do you have all your things?” Suga asked. 

 

“…Yeah,” Daichi answered. He didn’t have much. In fact, the only thing he had was a small photo. In the small white frame, there was Daichi, smiling awkwardly into the camera. Next to him was Suga, arm slung over Daichi’s shoulders lazily and smiling like the sun. 

 

“Just that?” Before Daichi noticed, Suga had sneaked up to him. He looked at the photo. “That’s… really not much at all. You sure?” 

 

Daichi nodded. “Yeah.” He put it into his small leather bag, one that Suga had given him earlier. 

 

Suga’s wheelbarrow was filled with only necessities - food, water, clothes, some precious objects. He lifted the handles. 

 

“Are you sure you can wheel that yourself?” Daichi looked unsure. Suga huffed. “I’m pretty strong, you know! I can do it.” He began wheeling the wheelbarrow out the door, but soon enough, he dropped the handles. Daichi looked pained.

 

Barely holding back his tears, Suga smiled and said, “…I guess not. Can you do it for me?” Without a word, Daichi clasped onto the handles and began moving. Suga followed behind, head hung low.

 

“I remember there was a small abandoned house in the forest. We’ll go there.” 

 

Daichi tried to ignore the fact that Suga’s voice was choked back with tears.

 

“But… what about the village?”

 

Suga shook his head. “We have nothing to do with them now. Forget them.” Daichi quietly nodded. “Okay.”

 

Sure enough, Daichi could see the form of an extremely small house within the trees. Finally, after a long time into the woods. Daichi looked back at Suga. “I can see—” But he couldn’t finish his sentence after what he saw. Suga was paler than he ever was. The circles stood out, the only colour he had in his face. Daichi could tell that he was barely standing.

 

“Suga, wait.” Before Suga could even react, Daichi scooped Suga off his feet. “Daichi… the wheelbarrow.” Suga mumbled deliriously, eyes closed. “It’s okay. You need to lie down first. I’ll get the wheelbarrow later.” Daichi carried Suga all the way to the house. He knew that Suga was like a stick, but his lightness still shocked him. Luckily, the first thing he saw was a bed, so he lay Suga there. 

 

Suga murmured something. Daichi leaned in. “What?” 

 

Suga opened his eyes. “Get the wheelbarrow.”

 

Daichi, now free of things to hold, ran to the wheelbarrow. Looking around, he noticed that they were literally in the middle of nowhere. Just looming trees and dewy bushes. 

 

“I brought the wheelbarrow.” Daichi crouched down, hands on the bed. Suga sat up, grunting. He rummaged through the pile of jars and random boxes. He pulled out a tiny glass bottle. Suga popped the lid off and drank the liquid in one go. 

 

“Is that some sort of medicine?” 

 

“Yeah,” Suga said. 

 

An awkward silence continued. 

 

Suga slapped his cheeks. “Alright, let’s get stuff dome, shall we?” He flashed his trademark smile. “How about some firewood? Let’s get warm. I’d say it’s pretty chilly.”

 

Daichi nodded, although he didn’t feel the cold. Suga began to stand up, but Daichi stopped him immediately. “Don’t stand up. You need to rest.”

 

Suga pouted. “Well, so do you!” 

 

Daichi shook his head. “I’m not tired.” 

 

Suga looked at Daichi, taking a moment to realise what he meant. Sighing, he plopped back down on the bed. “Right. Well then, I’ll be entrusting this task to you.”

 

Daichi nodded, and turned back. But something tugged on his sleeve. 

 

“…Come back quickly. I don’t think I really like being alone.” 

 

Daichi chuckled. “Yeah, I’ll be right back. This job is nothing to me!” 

 

And he was gone.

 

* * *

 

Daichi didn’t just not like it. 

 

He _hated_ it. 

 

He hated the fact that Suga’s food portions got smaller day by day. He hated it when Suga shook it off. When he denied that he was getting thinner, or that he was coughing up more blood behind Daichi’s back.

 

He couldn’t do anything about it. 

 

So when he saw Suga beckoning him from the bed, a sad smile on his face, it felt like time and space itself had stopped. He had saw it coming. He had saw it coming, but he had never really thought that it would really happen. 

 

And now that time was here.

 

“…Daichi.” Suga smiled weakly. Daichi crouched down and nuzzled Suga’s sickly thin hand. Suga just stared at the mud ceiling. “What do you need, darling?” He whispered.

 

Suga laughed. “Darling? That’s… the first time you’ve ever called me that.” Suga caressed Daichi’s face. “Daichi… I don’t think I have much time left.”

 

Daichi stopped moving for a moment. 

 

Breathe.

 

He nodded. He held Suga’s hand tight to his chest. “… Yeah.” 

 

“There’s this place I know,” Suga said. “And It’s beautiful.”

 

He turned his gaze to Daichi. “I want to go there.”

 

“Of course,” Daichi said. “I’ll take you in my arms, like a knight. You’re my beautiful prince.” Suga’s eyes crinkled in exhausted joy. “When did you learn to say things like that? You sure have grown, Daichi.”

 

Daichi smiled. “Anything for you, Suga.” Carefully, he lifted Suga from the bed, draping a blanket over him. “I’m really being treated like royalty,” Suga laughed. Daichi simply grinned. Together, they left the house.

 

_For the last time. Together._

 

Suga gave directions. Daichi followed. They stepped out of the forest, and out into a meadow. It was filled with colourful flowers, spread so far Daichi couldn’t see the end. Far away, there was a church. 

 

“I love it here,” Suga breathed. Daichi saw blood in his mouth. 

 

He kept quiet.

 

“Ever since I saw it years ago, I’ve loved it. And look. There’s no one else here,” Suga said. “It’s like we’re the only ones here.” 

 

“Yeah. it’s nice,” Daichi said, but he never took his eyes off Suga. He kneeled down, laying Suga down in the midst of flowers. Suga’s eyes never left the church. “Hey…” 

 

Daichi leaned in.

 

“Do you know the meaning of Phalaenopsis?”

 

_Thump. Thump. Thump._ Daichi could feel Suga’s heartbeat. It was… steady? He wasn’t really sure. 

 

“No.”

 

“The moth orchid means a lot of things, actually. Love, innocence, dignity, passion… you see, Daichi, you remind me of the moth orchid. Someone with lots of beautiful meanings.”

 

Daichi whispered, “Thank you.”

 

Suga’s smile brightened. “See? You fit in perfectly with the moth orchids here.”

 

_Thump. Thump. Thump._

 

_‘So these flowers are called moth orchids…”_

 

“Daichi, did you know that I actually always wished of getting married? Funny, right? It’s selfish for someone like me to think that. In the end…” Suga looked at Daichi. “Those thoughts were all in vain.”

 

_Thump. Thump. Thump._

 

“Me and my partner, in lovely, fancy clothing, smiling and laughing and crying. With rings on our fingers and the toll of church bells echoing far off into the distance. But that can’t happen.” 

 

Daichi shook his head. “No.” He reached into his pocket. 

 

Suga was teary eyed. “Daichi…”

 

On Daichi’s wide palm sat two rings. They weren’t gold or silver. The rings were made of intertwined daisies. Daichi gently slid one onto Suga’s ring finger.

 

_Thump_.

 

Suga smiled. A smile so soft, so effortlessly done. Like the white clouds in the sky. A tear slipped down his cheek. 

 

He simply smiled.

 

…

 

…

 

…

 

…

 

…

 

Daichi couldn’t hear it. 

 

…

 

…

 

He couldn’t hear it.

 

He couldn’t hear it anymore. 

 

…

 

Suga’s heartbeat was gone.

 

Daichi wiped away the tear from Suga’s silent face. But it was useless, because more tears dripped onto his face, falling from Daichi’s eyes.

 

_‘After all this time. All this time, I couldn’t cry. I thought I couldn’t.’_

 

More tears.

 

_‘Why now?’_

 

With Suga in his arms, Daichi faced the sky, and began to cry. 

 

All he did was cry.

 

 

 

It was a cloudless day.

 

 

 

 

 

The church bells rang in the distance.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading my DaiSuga fanfiction! This fic was quite heavily based off this song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZfSmLtQqkVY.  
> I had great fun writing this. If this made you at least the tiniest bit sad, I'm glad the feelings got through.  
> I will fix any mistakes I see immediately.  
> (DaiSuga shall prevail!!!)
> 
> Also, HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!


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